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Anyone can clap eyes on the White House these days using Google Earth and internet livestreams.

In 1542, the Iberian explorer Cabrillo and his crew were the first Europeans to clap eyes on L.A., and Cabrillo had the place entered in the ship’s log as the Bay of Smokes.

“If Dirk says: ‘See you,’ I know I won’t clap eyes on him for weeks,” said one papyrological colleague.

The media mogul Kerry Stokes is also said to be mingling but I don’t clap eyes on him.

My attempt to get him to leave the car to look at the 22-foot statue of a lumberjack across the street was as unsuccessful as my appeal a half-hour earlier in Laona to clap eyes on the world’s largest soup kettle.