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Then he performed a production number, “I Won’t Waste Time,” which featured a chorus of dancing Conans and the “sandworm from ‘Dune 2’ ” playing “Chopsticks” on the piano.

He finished his opening monologue nearly 20 minutes later with a song-and-dance number featuring a piano-playing sandworm from “Dune” and a dancing Deadpool.

With the metal in colliding knives, the foley work of sand beneath a boot and the glottal roaring of a sandworm, I am reduced to a slack, muttering, awe-struck child.

Imagine the Battle of Arrakeen without the deafening blare of the sandworm emerging from the dust, the spilling of sand down the fronts of Fremen as they emerge from the ground, or the buzzing of ornithopter wings over the city.

This year’s awards for director and adapted screenplay should have been locks, plus supporting actress for Zendaya and lead actor for Chalamet, who delivers a performance with twice the octave range of his Bob Dylan while riding backward on a sandworm screaming in fictional Fremen-ese.